Parashat Vayeitzei-And he left: Yaakov's story

Yaakov has left his parents' home to escape from his brother's murderous anger and is traveling to his mother's family to find a wife. It says, "He encountered the place and spent the night there…". The definite article indicates that a specific place is being referred to. It's said that this "place" was the mountain where Avraham had nearly sacrificed Yitzchak, Mount Moriah. It would later become the site of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. The sun is setting, so Yaakov halts his journey and makes camp for the night.

He gathers stones and places them around his head (perhaps to afford him some shelter from animals or the elements) and goes to sleep. He has the famous dream of Jacob's Ladder-a ladder is reaching from the earth up to the heavens, and "angels of God were ascending and descending on it." Yaakov is about to exit the land of Israel and the angels that guard him within the land are giving up their places to the angels who will guard him outside the land. Then God Himself appears to Yaakov and promises him three things: That the land he is lying on will belong to his descendants, that his descendants will be as the dust of the earth, and that God will be with Yaakov wherever he will go and will someday return him to the land of Israel.

Yaakov wakes up, freaks out a little at his ignorance of the holiness of the place, and sets up "the stone that he placed around his head" as an altar to God. Notice what's wrong? Prior to sleeping, Yaakov had gathered multiple stones to place around his head, but now there is apparently only one. My favorite explanation is that the stones argued as Yaakov slept over which one deserved to be the one Yaakov rested his head on. To stop the fighting, and to allow them all to have this honor, God turned them into one stone. It's also said that there were 12 stones, symbolizing the 12 tribes. Individual and separate before, after God's blessings to Yaakov, they are all one stone, to show that the 12 tribes are really one, one nation, one people, united.

Yaakov reaches the land of his mother's family. He comes to a well and chats with the shepherds there. The well is covered with a heavy stone-it takes all the shepherds working together to remove the stone so that they can water their flocks. The shepherds are waiting for the rest to arrive so they can remove the stone. Yaakov inquires after his mother's brother, Laban, and is told to ask Laban's daughter himself, who is walking up with her father's flock.

This is Rachel, the younger and lovelier daughter of Laban. Yaakov sets eyes on her, and promptly removes the stone over the well by himself, in the first recorded display of utter machismo. Luckily for him, Rachel is impressed, and allows him to embrace her. He tells her who he is (her cousin) and she runs and tells her father. Yaakov is brought to the house as a guest. He agrees to work for his uncle for seven years in order to marry Rachel. Under his hand, the flocks flourish.

But Yaakov is dealing with Laban, who is as sly and unwholesome as they come. And after seven years of hard labor, Yaakov finds himself married to Leah, the older daughter, rather than Rachel. Since the bride comes to the wedding veiled, he did not detect the deception until it was too late. He is furious with Laban at the betrayal (who makes some excuse about the older daughter needing to be married off first) and demands Rachel as a wife as well, for which he agrees to work another seven years.

And so begins one of the most complex yet unaddressed tragedies of the Torah. Rachel and Leah are sisters, turned into rival wives. These are holy women, the foremothers of the Jewish people, the women by whose names we still bless our girls today. They had divine knowledge of the future of Israel and their role in it. And yet they are also human, so very human, with women's hearts and emotions. Leah must live with the knowledge that her husband did not want her, and Rachel must bear the fact that though she is her husband's beloved soulmate, her sister is seen as the first wife. By all accounts, Yaakov is good to both of them, but this is hardly consolation for either woman's heartbreak. The Torah is not a story book; it does not spend time on the emotions and thoughts of its characters. It has a history to tell, and it gets on with it. And yet, in the matter-of-fact text that follows, we can feel each woman's agony loud and clear.

The Torah states explicitly that "God sees that Leah is unloved" and therefore grants her children, while Rachel remains barren (which hardly seems fair to Rachel). With each son's birth, Leah declares hopefully that surely her husband will love her now, but the reiteration of this hope at every birth shows that this is not the case. Leah's optimism is heart breaking: "…now my husband will love me," "Because Hashem heard I was unloved, He gave me this child also" "This time my husband will become attached to me…"

With the birth of her fourth son, she seems to give up hoping that children will increase her husband's affection; her declaration at this birth is pure gratitude to God that she was granted another child. Leah knew her husband was destined to have 12 sons and figured that three was her fair share (her and her sister's handmaids had also been given as wives to Yaakov). With the birth of the fourth son, she knew that she had more than a fair share, and so she gives thanks. Leah's patient, undemanding gratitude is as inspiring as it is devastating.

Rachel is becoming panicked that she is unable to have children. She tells Yaakov to marry her maid Bilhah, hoping Bilhah can have children, and they can be raised in Rachel's name (this strange, seeming injustice is also not addressed). Sure enough, Bilhah has two boys, both of whom Rachel celebrates as if they were her own. Leah follows suit, giving her handmaiden Zilpah to Yaakov, and two more sons are born.

Leah's eldest son, Reuven, finds some dudaim in the fields and brings them to his mother. Just what the dudaim were is not explained, but they may have been plants that were believed to induce fertility. Rachel begs Leah for some of the dudaim. Leah is irritated-it's bad enough that Rachel "took her husband" but now she even wants to take some plants Leah's son brought her? Rachel is undeterred, and offers that Yaakov can spend the night with Leah in return for the dudaim. Leah agrees and goes out to meet Yaakov as he is returning from the fields, announcing scornfully that she has "hired him" with dudaim.

Leah has two more sons, bringing her total up to six. Then she becomes pregnant for a seventh time. Knowing that if this one is also a boy, there will only be one son left for Rachel-less than even the maidservants-Leah prays that the baby be a girl. Dinah is born.

Finally, God listens to Rachel's prayers and she has her first son, Yosef (Joseph).

Yaakov is now an established man, with four wives, eleven sons and a daughter. He wants to go home. But Laban knows that his current wealth is entirely due to Yaakov's work and is unwilling to let him go. They argue for a while, but Yaakov prevails. They make an agreement that for the years of work, Yaakov will receive as wages any "speckled or spotted" sheep or goat that are born in the flock. Laban agrees, knowing that unusually marked offspring are rare and that Yaakov will not get much from this agreement. That birthing season there is a bumper crop of spotted animals. Yaakov becomes a very wealthy man.

Laban's sons are resentful of Yaakov and Laban himself is treating him coldly. God tells Yaakov it's time to return home, and Yaakov couldn't agree more. But first he calls Rachel and Leah to him, and explains the situation. He asks their permission to move the family. Unimpressed with their father and his ways, they are more than willing. While Laban is away for a few days, Yaakov packs up his entire household and his flocks and his family and off they go.

Laban finds out three days later and starts off in pursuit, and his intentions aren't kind. But God appears to him in a dream and warns him against harming Yaakov in any way. Laban and his followers overtake Yaakov. Laban takes on the role of injured patriarch, asking why Yaakov had fled in secret, taking Laban's daughters and not even permitting him to say goodbye. And to make matters worse, Yaakov had stolen Laban's household gods!

Unbeknownst to Yaakov, Rachel has taken her father's idols in the hopes that he will stop worshipping them. She has hidden them in a pack that she is now sitting on. Yaakov is angry at Laban's accusations, and declares that whoever took the idols will not live. He gives Laban permission to search his belongings. Laban does, though when he reaches Rachel's things she apologizes for not rising, as "the way of women" is upon her. Predictably, Laban steers clear of her. But the curse of a holy man cannot be undone, and indeed Rachel will die young.

Yaakov has been patient and accommodating for over two decades and now he's had enough. He lets loose on Laban, first scolding him for searching through all Yaakov's things, and then running through all the hardship and deception he endured in Laban's house. Laban backs down and the two make a covenant that neither will pass this spot with the intention of harming the other. The next morning, Laban kisses his daughters and grandchildren and returns home. Yaakov and company continue on their journey.

Parashat Toldot-Unanswered Questions

Let's be honest-parashat Toldot is very difficult to understand, and even harder to accept. Nothing about it makes sense. Under the first layer of questions are more questions, and more beneath those, until it seems unlikely that satisfactory answers even exist. And to make things even more complicated, it's a long parshah with three or four separate stories in it.

The parshah begins with an introduction to Yitzchak. He is the son of Avraham. He marries Rivka when he is 40 years old. She is barren, just as his mother Sarah was. They pray for children and God hears their prayers and Rivkah conceives. But the children seem to be fighting in her womb and-understandably uncomfortable-she inquires of God what the heck is going on (I doubt she worded it like that, though). She is told that two nations are in her womb, two nations that are fighting for supremacy, and-spoiler alert-the elder will serve the younger.

Rivkah has her babies and the first is described as ruddy in color. The younger comes out gripping his brother's heel-as if trying to hold him back-and they name them Esauv and Yaakov. Yitzchak is 60 at this time, which tells us that the first 20 years of the marriage were barren.

The boys grow up, and Esauv is a great hunter and beloved by his father, while Yaakov "dwells in tents" and is his mother's favorite (the very first Jewish mama's boy?). Esauv comes in from the fields, hungry and tired, and asks for some of the lentil stew his brother is cooking. Yaakov insists on a trade-the stew for the rights of the firstborn. And Esauv agrees.

The story shifts now-there is famine in the land, but God forbids Yitzchak to leave the land of Israel (to go to Egypt, as his father had during famine). Stay in Israel, God promises, and Yitzchak will be blessed-his children will be as numerous as the stars, and they will inherit the land. Yitzchak goes to a place (within Israel) called Gerar.

Rivkah is still quite beautiful, and Yitzchak fears that the men of the land will kill him to get to her. To protect them both he says she is his sister. But the king catches sight of them embracing, realizes the truth, and chastises Yitzchak. The deceit could have resulted in the men raping Rivkah, which would have brought the wrath of the God of Avraham down on Gerar (which is the only reason, apparently, why raping Rivkah would be a bad idea). The king commands his people not to harm Yitzchak, and Yitzchak farms there and becomes extremely wealthy.

And then there is a long bit about wells being dug and filled in and dug again-basically no one wants Yitzchak digging wells, and Yitzchak moves around a bit and digs more wells and they get filled up, and eventually the king comes to him and they swear an oath of friendship. Politics.

And then a bit about Esauv marrying two Hittite women, and about his parents not being too pleased about this. And then we get to the most famous-and most confusing-part of the whole thing.

Yitzchak-great, holy, and wise forefather of our people-is old and has gone blind. He tells his son Esauv to go hunting, prepare the meat, and bring it to him, and he will bless him. Off Esauv goes. Rivkah has overheard, and knowing Esauv for the nasty fellow he is, and knowing that Yaakov is the one who deserves the blessings, arranges for Yaakov to disguise himself as his brother and receive the blessings in his stead. Long story short, the ruse works, blind Yitzchak gives Yaakov his brother's blessings (one of which is supremacy over his brother), and Yaakov leaves. Esauv turns up just minutes later, finds he has been robbed of his blessings and (understandably) breaks down. He begs his father for a blessing, any blessing. Yitzchak tells him he will be a great nation and rule by the sword, but that his brother Yaakov will rule over him. However, whenever Yaakov falters, Esauv will rise up and rule over his brother.

Esauv is pissed at his brother, and he isn't the forgiving type. Realizing that Yaakov's life is in danger, Rivkah arranges for him to run away, telling Yitzchak that she wants Yaakov to take a wife from her family. Yitzchak agrees, and they send Yaakov on his way, with more blessings. Meanwhile, Esauv takes another wife, from Yishmael's family.

Alright, so much for a brief summary. Do you have questions? Because I have questions. I have a LOT of questions.

First of all, why are these wise, divinely inspired forebears of ours playing favorites with their children?  Why does Rivkah dislike her own son so strongly? Why doesn't Yitzchak realize that Yaakov is more like him-devout, committed to God and Torah-while Esauv is brutal, cruel, and worships idols? Why is Esauv willing to give up his birthright for a bowl of soup? And since he did, why is he then so devastated when his brother takes the first-born's blessing from him? Didn't he trade that right?

Why does Yitzchak say Rivkah is his sister? Is he unable to defend his wife and family? His lie may buy him his life, but it also gives others full permission to lust after his wife. And if his life really is in so much danger that he must hide his marriage, what the heck is he doing canoodling with his wife where the KING can see?

And finally, is Yitzchak really fooled by Yaakov's disguise? Why does Rivkah feel the need to trick her husband, rather than reason with him?  And for that matter, why is Yitzchak-holy, devout, precious to God-blind? Why is he giving Esauv the blessings that Yaakov deserves? And if Yaakov deserves them, why are trickery and lies necessary to acquire them? Furthermore, Rivkah was told before they were born that the elder would serve the younger. Did she forget to tell her husband? Are we just ignoring what God tells us now? Don't forget, we aren't talking about ordinary people. We are talking of the first Jews, the forefathers and foremothers, people that we view as having intimate relationships with God, people with divine inspiration, people so much holier than anything we could even imagine.

That doesn't seem to match what we are reading. The parshah seems to show a family as dysfunctional as any other, with a foolish, blind old man, a clever but conniving wife, and two less-than-savory sons: one cruel and strong, the other cunning and sly. THIS is the ancestry we reverence?

There are, of course, endless explanations and commentaries on this parshah, many of which I find even more unsatisfying than the original text. You can search through those on your own time, if you're interested in a headache. I did finally find an explanation that, while it doesn't answer every question, does impart a powerful and positive message.

Given that the twins are battling it out in the womb, it seems that their personalities were in place even before birth. Esauv was literally born evil, predestined to be the person he was, set up from the beginning to lose it all to Yaakov. But wait. That completely destroys the idea of free will. If we are born with our destinies already written, how can we be punished for doing wrong or rewarded for doing right? Why waste 613 commandments on us, when we have no choice as to how we will act?

The answer is that we are born with our personalities and inclinations, but we have a choice in whether to follow them. Yaakov's inclination from the beginning was to do good, to be holy, to study Torah. Esauv's inclination was towards a less civilized path. But because of this, Esauv had the potential to be far greater than Yaakov. He would have to go against his nature to choose goodness, which would make the choice that much more impressive. The effort Esauv would have had to put in to achieve what his brother did automatically would have made him a hundred times more worthy of respect. His journey would be long and hard, but the rewards that much greater for it. After all, aren't we more impressed with the small man who becomes great, than by the great man who is born great?

And this is why Yitzchak favored Esauv, and wished to bless him. He knew that Yaakov did not need his help to become a great man, but that Esauv did. Esauv needed all the help he could get. Yitzchak hoped that by keeping Esauv close, and by favoring him, and by blessing him, Esauv would learn from him what he did not have naturally. He hoped to elevate the potential in his son to reality. He hoped that Esauv would choose goodness.

You already know the end. Esauv made the easier choice. As so many of us do. He did become a great nation, one locked in eternal struggle with the children of Yaakov, the children of Yisroel, b'nai Yisroel.

But we learn something from Esauv. We learn that we have a choice in how we live our lives. We also learn that that choice is not necessarily going to be easy. In fact, we may have to go against our very natures to do what we know is right. But this is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it is extremely commendable. The harder the climb, the more beautiful the view from the top.